Don't make out with my wife yet
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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