Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
