why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
