She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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