Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
