is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
