Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I will pee on everything he values.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
