A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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