I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
