How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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