Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A bitchslap is in order.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
