Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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