During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
