Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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