I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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