9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
