i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
