did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Found your dick twin last night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
