She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
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Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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