If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
