Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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