He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
