I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
