I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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