Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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