i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize