i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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