no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
