she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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