Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
