Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
