I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Everything about him screamed your future.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
