3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
