How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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