I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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