Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
