Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
