I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i now understand why vodka
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