How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
