the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
