He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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