Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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