Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
