my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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