WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
