he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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