I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
