I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
