I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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