my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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