My room smells like vodka and shame
She said her name was "party"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
