Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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