one two three fourrrrnication!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
