I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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