Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
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