I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
