why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
