Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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