i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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