i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
