One girl and one boy is just not enough.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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