is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
