I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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