I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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