WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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