Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
