There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
