He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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