Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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