just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
