God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
