His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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