I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
