Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
